Sermon for Sunday, October 27, 2024 || Proper 25B || Mark 10:46-52

This sermon is about the art of listening, specifically about how Jesus listens and how we can emulate his practice. Our ability to listen impacts every relationship we have: our spouses and families, our friends and neighbors, our church and community members, our political and ideological opponents, and our partners in God’s mission.

Over the course of my life, I have had to learn how to listen. When I was a child, I listened selectively, as most children do. And when I got in trouble, I weaponized my adorableness by telling my parents, “I’ll lishen better.” This did the trick until my parents got wise to my manipulation. I was too self-absorbed through my teens to be a good listener. It wasn’t until my hospital chaplaincy that I learned how to listen. We did assignments called “verbatims,” in which we had to write down word for word a conversation we shared with someone. And I’ll tell you, you learn real fast how much you miss of what someone else says when you have to write it down.

Now that I’ve been a professional listener for more than sixteen years, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned about the art listening from Jesus and from others who are way better at listening than I am. There are three major elements to listening well. Here’s Number One.

Be open to the other’s words, without assuming you know what they will say. We all come into conversations with preconceptions built by our own prejudices and anxieties. How many of us have had a romantic partner say the phrase, “We need to talk,” and then jumped to a conclusion about what they are about to say? The body language and tone of voice of our conversation partner can communicate more than their words because those non-verbal signs will make us more or less open to the conversation.

Our social locations also greatly influence our ability to listen. And this is where Jesus comes in. Notice in our story in today’s Gospel reading, Jesus asks Bartimaeus a question: “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus could have assumed that, because Bartimaeus could not see, he might like to get his vision back. But what if Bartimaeus had said, “I’m having trouble paying my rent” or “my little daughter is sick.” Jesus’ response would have been much different. By not assuming that this man, who has a physical challenge, would like his blindness reversed, Jesus takes on the humble position of the listener. Jesus does not let his station as healer and Lord cause him to presume what Bartimaeus needs. Jesus opens himself up to Bartimaeus’s truth and listens without preconception.

Back in 2015, Tim Evers and I flew down to Haiti for a series of meetings with the leadership and teachers of St. Luc’s School. Our main purpose was relationship building and listening to their dreams for the school. If Tim and I had gone down with an agenda about what we thought they needed, we would not only have been trafficking in charitable imperialism, but we also would have never heard their greatest hope. They desired to teach the students longer each day, which meant feeding them a hot and hearty meal. Through listening, we got to share in that dream, and the lunch program was born.

So, our first element of the art of listening is being open without assumption. The second element is the act of listening itself. Listen without judgment, categorization, or inner monologue. This was the hardest thing I learned during hospital chaplaincy. It is so easy to get lost in our own thoughts while someone is talking to us. We judge their veracity, we speculate on their motivations, we categorize the worthiness of the conversation based on our own levels of interest. And to top it off, we begin formulating our responses while the other is still talking, which means we’ve stopped listening.

All of these distractions are completely normal because we all live in our own heads most of the time. The gifts of listening well are twofold. We give ourselves the gift of getting out of our own headspace for a time and intentionally living inside the viewpoint of the other. And we give our conversation partner the gift of bearing witness to their truth, helping them feel seen and heard and known.

This is all easier to do when we are well rested, fed, and watered; when we have managed our schedules to keep the allure of busyness at bay; and when we can make ourselves still enough to quiet the judging voices in our minds. When I am having trouble listening to someone because of one of these challenges, I try to identify the problem quickly and then forgive myself for my lack of attention. Usually, this allows me to accept God’s focusing grace and try again. In these moments, God reminds me of the gift of conversation, of getting to know someone on a deep, soul level. That’s how Jesus listened to people. He didn’t just hear their words; he listened to the deep stories of their lives hidden within their words. When we listen well to others, without judgment or inner monologue, we can discover those stories too.

So we have “Be open” and “Listen without judgment.” Our third element of the art of listening is this: Respond in a way that lets the other person know you have heard them. The most immediate way of engaging in this type of response is by reflecting back what you have heard. You can even say, “What I hear you saying is…” and then paraphrasing. This allows the other person to correct you if you heard them wrong or to feel a sense of companionship at having been listened to well. Importantly, reflective listening does not mean you agree with the other person. This type of response is not an endorsement of the other’s views; it is a confirmation that you listened to what they were saying.

If someone comes to talk to me about a problem, my favorite question to ask them is, “Are you looking for advice or comfort?” Clarifying this expectation helps me know how best to respond. If they are looking for comfort and I respond with an immediate need to problem-solve, then they will not feel heard. But a simple, “Well, that really stinks,” can be enough for them to know you’re there for them, which is what they needed in the first place.

I invite you this week intentionally to engage in the three elements of listening well: be open to the other’s words, without assuming you know what they will say; listen without judgment, categorization, or inner monologue; and respond in a way that lets the other person know you have heard them. I commend these elements to you, even as I ask God to help me improve them in myself. The art of listening helps us deepen our relationships, grow our perspectives, and move more gently through the world. Learning to listen is a lifelong journey, and we can walk with Jesus and other wisdom-keepers along the way.

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Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash.